Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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