You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
