The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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