I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
