I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
