If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
