walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
