Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize