Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I cut my penus on the lid.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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