sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
