There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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