The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
