Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
