i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Let's get the cat blown out
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