This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
