i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
