Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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