Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
