connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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