college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
