You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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