I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize