Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
