There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
