well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
