hotel room ftw
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
