I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
