u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
