I want to make a zoo with you.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
