how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
