3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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