It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
