Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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