the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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