I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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