The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
