operation harelip BJ is a go
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
