she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
