very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
