I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
