well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
