I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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