remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
