It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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