the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
