my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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