it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
