We named our party play list daddy issues
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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