i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
