Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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