I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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