ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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