shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
