im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
