sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
