i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
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