Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
