the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
