He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
