I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
