I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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