How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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