Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
