i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
