Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
