Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
