Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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