I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
