Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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