420 ftw
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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