i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
