I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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