I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I've blown a few things in my day
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
