Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
