Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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